Why should I do it

There is much pain my being in love,
but you long for it night and day.
In love our tears are not our own,
for they fall in simple trouble to else.

Maybe I fear an idea of  surrender,
any part of self to control by another.
There is a loss of the mastery of will,
that will mean you never stay alone.

Nightly thoughts

As I lay on the bed that night my mind just wondered.
There seems to be so much going on in life deterred.
I have so many friends online, so why do I feel alone.
I am so cheerful out there, so why do tears come home.

The darkness seems so deep, the light is so shallow.
For I hear the clock as it ticks those seconds so slow.
I enjoyed the food I made, yet my heart feels so bad.
I have seen happier days, so why are thoughts so sad.