Nightly thoughts

As I lay on the bed that night my mind just wondered.
There seems to be so much going on in life deterred.
I have so many friends online, so why do I feel alone.
I am so cheerful out there, so why do tears come home.

The darkness seems so deep, the light is so shallow.
For I hear the clock as it ticks those seconds so slow.
I enjoyed the food I made, yet my heart feels so bad.
I have seen happier days, so why are thoughts so sad.

Betrayal

They tell me to find another girl and move on. The only reply I can give them is that- "I was not rejected but I was betrayed". I have already moved on for I no longer have the same feelings for that girl that I did in the past. Yet the fact cannot be denied that I had invested a huge amount of trust and hope in the formation of that relationship. I can no longer afford to give the same trust or tend to have the same hope for any other relationship. In the absence of trust and hope no relationship can ever be better relationship.

Knowing what I could have given and what I would be able to give in the future. There would be a huge difference in the expectations I have and the expectations I know the other person would have. In the current lack of trust the relationship is doomed from the start and the person whose trust I may end up breaking may end up like me. There is no way I would want to play with the trust and hope of somebody else. No man or woman should lose hope and I cannot willingly be the cause of the false hope of another.

I have been told I am being too immature and that life is to move beyond the challenges that life throws at you. On the other hand, I always had a firm belief that maturity was in knowing that nobody is truly right or wrong in any situation and everybody will react differently in the aftermath of it. I have nothing against the person who broke my trust for I truly believe she is not wrong in the situation. I have reacted in the way I believe is best for others which may look like a different reaction from the ordinary but so was the situation. It is my way of moving on and any person who does not respect that is the one who lacks maturity.


Dedicated to Scar and Hunter

Till death do us apart

It may have been a few years now from the incident that changed our relationship forever. For today is not my death anniversary. You may think this day to be the day that I told you I had died, but in truth I should have died a long time before that. I had died the very moment that you told me, you did not love me anymore. It was that moment on that is the love was a word that filled my heart with hatred instead of joy. I had a very simple life before you came in it. I had nothing to live for but my own dreams and desires. You decided to arrive in my life and complicate everything up for me. I had not yet contemplate the level of relationship between us until the day you said you liked me. You may chosen to but did not stop there. Within a gap of few days, it was not just a simple like anymore but love.

The love I had expected but was still so unexpected in my life. My entire life and lifestyle took a ride on a roller-coaster that would change it forever. I was no longer the carefree person whose mind wandered the corridors of endless imagination. I had become that strangely practical person whose life had started to mean something. I did nothing but think about you and our future together in any and all my spare time. I was not just randomly dreamy anymore as now I had the anchor holding me down. The anchor that told me that I cared a lot about you and I need to start working on my dreams of a life together.

I remember that call I made before leaving. The special way you made the sound of "don't go" that touched my heart. To be truthful the echo of it still rings in my ears to this day. There were so many emotions in that sound, that it still creates doubts in my mind about my decision to go. Yet I had to go for it was for our future together that I was giving away a part of our present.

No decision have I ever rued more than that decision. It was that decision that forced me to die and it was that decision that ultimately led to us break up.

Dedicated to Scar and Hunter

What I need and Then maybe we could

What I need is a lending of ear...
and then may be I could talk...
It would end up all my suffer..
So I could share you my heart....

What I need is a fraction of time...
and then may be I could play...
It would eat up all my pain...
So we could have fun in clay....

What I need is a warmth of hug....
and then maybe I could sleep...
It would end up all my mares....
So I could not dream and weep....

What I need is a tiny bit of love...
and then may be I could smile...
It would end up all my hurt...
So I could carry you a mile...

What I need is a form of hope...
and then may be I could live...
It would end up all my worry...
So I could another day give....