Me and my loneliness

People have come in my life and people have gone by. An endless journey of travel and discovery and there is no one who stood by. Yet one thing that has never left my side is my loyal loneliness. She comes to me whenever I feel alone and leaves me when I have someone else. She is there in all my troubles but never wants a share of my happiness.

She was there when I was really sad and did not know what to do next. She was there when I wanted to cry but could not do so in front of others. She was around when I had to study hard and noise was my biggest enemy. She was around while I was fighting my own battles with the will and I nearly did not survive. She was there even as my best of friends had forgotten me. She was with me in my greatest hour of need and the deepest hour of trouble.

I have only this to say to you - "I know I have always wanted to leave you alone. I have always tried to avoid you and keep away from you. Now though, I have found the truth. The truth that you always think what is best for me. I want to hug for every time you helped me survive while others lay ignorant. Who needs a girlfriend when I have a girl like you in my life who does nothing but help me in my bad days without a word, just silently listening and completely understanding. "

Where are you now ?

When people disappear from our lives it is so hard to remember the exact moment that they actually left you. The last words that we said to each other or the last place we actually sat together. For a long time they may have been an immovable part of our daily schedule. Every evening we would have been spending our time chatting or playing together. Then suddenly comes a time called the present when we do not know where he is or what she is up to. It has been days since our last chat or call. It has been so long before a shared memory was created and added to that immense pile of reminiscent glories in our past.  

The internet was supposed to bring people closer, it was going to help us keep connected. Why is it then that we still do not talk to each other so often anymore. We may tend to believe that we do not have as much time as we had then. Priorities may have changed and maybe our schedules have suffered.  Yet we still find ourselves spending time on doing nothing whatsoever in the weekends. We still have time to go delve in our inner thoughts endlessly and watch those meaningless images or videos that we come across in the multimedia. 

When we do meet, we could spend countless hours being nostalgic about the time we did spend together but then we are back in our own journey to the Neverland. It only feels like we took a mild detour on our highway because there was some construction work going on. We have made a lot of new friends but they still do not emulate the joy we had with our old buddies. There is a blank left in our lives which we have prepared ourselves. No matter how much self analysis we do, we can never fill those gaps on our own. As we are the ones who created it, it is impossible for us to go beyond them.

We are still looking for things that would take us out of this endless cycle of boredom we suffer from in our daily jobs. Yet we are seeking the answers in the future, but the answers lie  in the past. It is true that life is full of endless possibilities and endless number of people. Yet it depends completely on us if we want to take those old friendships in our lives as a comma or as a full stop. 

It is not in my nature to forget the past and there is no way that people who forget their old friends can ever make new friends with conviction. So get back on those phones or the Facebook pages and reconnect with your friends. Let them not be just a part of your past but also of your future. 

Sleepless and Dreamless

Every time I try to sleep on my bed, I feel alone. It could be because from the moment I met you, I have wanted to be with you. I want to be with you on this bed in the morning as well as the night. I want you during the wake up tea and the midnight snack. The double bed in my house screams every night about the fact that these is a huge void in my life. I know you will be the person who can fill that void. I need you to fill the vacant space in my heart.

Before I met you, my nights were dreamless. Now every night I dream of us together. Reality just wakes me up in the morning. My heart realizes that all its hope and happiness throughout the night was just a big lie. The naked truth stares at me, that you are no longer in my life. You are not going to be there as I live another day of my lonely life, Come back to it my dear, I really miss you.

If you decide to come back. I will never ask you why you left. I will not ask you if you plan to leave again. I will only ask you to be with me the whole time you have to spare. 

My masterpiece

Among popular request I am finally publishing on blog my favorite writing in the romantic genre. 

Dear Future wife,

I do not usually write letters, but the last time we were chatting it seemed like you were expecting a letter from me. As you have known by now that I always have and will do things that make you happy and want to avoid disappointing you again. So after six long years, I will be attempting to write a postal mail to someone very special. Just for you. If you find any faults and mistakes in the letter, grammatical or emotional. Take them as my inexperience in both.

From the day you told me that you like me and then later on that you love me. I have been feeling that you are the greatest gift that life decided to give me. Throughout my life time I have tried to choose the path of greater good. Then you came into my life and we started planning our future together. You became my first and I believe the only selfish choice. I may have shown a lot of my true self to you than I ever did to anyone. So losing your friendship would be the worst part in my entire life’s journey.

Whenever my mind wanders I think about the chances we had to be together. I wanted to spend more time with you chatting. I always missed not having met you before I left. It would have been nice spending quality time together even if spent in talking gibberish or roaming around on endless roads.

I know we did make a lot of exciting plans together, none of which came to fruitation but all of them have become part of my best dream collection during nights. I also know that you had a lot of expectations from me and I just ended completely disappointing you. I have hated every moment of that. Especially, not meeting when I said I would and going without proper goodbye.

I wanted to include some advice in the letter. The best would be the one that could help you in the biggest problem you face. About the problem at your home. I want to tell or rather remind you of something that you may already know by now. In every family as long as people stay together with each other and getting in somebody’s way or belief. Disputes will arise and there would be angry fights. This will happen with anybody and happens in most families.

Still no matter how much or how many times you get upset with your parents or even if they fight each other. No matter how big a fight has been. The bond that connects everyone is extremely strong. They will always care for each other and definitely for you. So never take tension about it. Stress does not look good on you.  

To prove my point, I want you to imagine a moment when all of your friends may have left you because of changes in your life or theirs. Now imagine the most adverse of conditions you will ever face and you will see that your family would never leave you and never stop supporting you in your need. That is the trust that forms a solid foundation between you and them.

I know you were always curious about why I did not have any girlfriends or relationships before you. The simple reason was that I never wanted a girlfriend but a wife. The more complex was what kind of girl I was looking for to be my wife. Unlike normal people I was not looking for a wife who is rich or beautiful and never for a good cook or maid. Also I am a bit asexual by nature which means I am not that sexually attracted to woman and none at all to men.

I also believe in platonic love. So I had been on a lookout for a girl I could trust blindly, a girl that could have fun with me, and a girl who possessed a kind and understanding heart. So basically I was on the lookout for someone like me. You were that girl and more. After you now I am forced to look for additional qualities. Now I want a girl to be my life partner with whom I can spend my life and enjoy growing up kids. I want a girl with whom I can spend time spreading happiness and discovering subtle nuances of life.

Now you always asked me how I am so sure that I love you. I want you to know the biggest reason. I know in my heart that in future if there comes a moment to choose between getting you happiness and giving up my life. I would gladly choose the latter. This is what makes me so sure that I really love you. You are the only one I have ever loved and maybe the only one I ever will. You have set the bar so high that if not you, there is no other woman out there for me. For no girl can be better than you. After meeting you and knowing you, I cannot settle for any less or anyone else.

I am not familiar about how much you know about Greek history. So I will tell you something about the person in Greek legend known as Prometheus. It is written that it was Prometheus who gave mankind the gift of fire. The gods had forbidden Prometheus to do it so he was punished. They created a special jail for him which had pigeons that would attack and eat the liver out Prometheus causing him immense pain every day. Every night the liver would heal itself, thus making Prometheus suffer till eternity for a single mistake.

It is said that every day he was asked if he repented his decision. Prometheus said that he would gladly suffer for eternity for what he knew was the right choice. I have chosen to tell you this story as it can be compared to ours. If in future you decide to part ways and end up loving someone else or marrying another person. It may cause endless pain and suffering to me for a long time, even until I die. Still from this day to that day I will never rue the decision of choosing to love you with all my heart. I want you to give our relation your best try. For no matter what happens in future, in the end I want you to be happy and I also know I can provide you with that happiness.

You must think I over emphasize the fact about keeping you happy. There is a thing I have learned about woman in life. A woman no matter how common she is can be a queen and no matter how precious she is she can be a maid. Depending on how she is treated by the man she loves. I can keep you as my queen. At the end keep this in mind, when you find someone for you. Test him on this parameter and you will know if he is right for you or not.

I have seen a human life end for no reason, up close. Life is too short to keep postponing things. I know I will wait forever to spend my remaining life with you. That single ray of hope is also a poison that is killing me from the inside. Please do not keep me hanging. When you know how good your life can be, it is impossible to convince yourself in any other direction. My mind always follows my heart and my heart is stuck with you. Every stray hope bound to my heartbeat tells me that someday you will recognize my love and love me back truly. For I am the nicest person I know and you are the one for whom I care the most.

You will meet a lot of people who’ll tell you that staying happy is about letting go things that make you sad. Believe in me for I have learned the hard way that it does not happen so in real life. For being truly happy and staying happy, we need to find things that make us happy. That is another reason why we should make the boo-boo of letting each other go. If that is what you want.

I can only wish you all the best for your future and may you find love again in life. Promise me to always keep yourself safe and happy. Remember whenever you need any help I can find ways to help you. All you need to do is ask.

If you decide to never meet me again then I want you to complete writing on those cards. And on the day of our anniversary send them to my home. I really want to read them.

Also I would still love to be part of your life so keep me informed with what goes on in your life no matter how small the incident. Hope this letter finds you before the things I have set in motion begin.

Your future husband

Peace

P.S. – I will always love you forever. 

My letter to you

Dearest girl,

No matter where I am, no matter what I do, you shall always be in my heart and in every blue lub dub.

I love you as a soldier loves his country..... and a captain his ship..... I will sit by your bedside for days while you are sick......
I will protect you like a tiger protects it's cub...as a dog his friend...I will stick with you like a gator or a roo ...and never let you be alone.....
I have always been a lone wolf, but am wanting to be a homely tiger. Would you be my tigress. We would just hunt together in the jungle.....

There is a man who loves you with all his heart, follows you like a shadow. He smiles for the world but lets you see his hurting inside. He loves you alone, how much time more is needed for you to love him. That man's mind is full of sadness, because he has to keep his feelings to himself. That man loves you because you are both the same. You are both fools. I want to be loved by you. My heart cries for you, but you do not hear. Yet it still waits for you.

Your man,
Forever

My thoughts on your sob story

Life is a huge battle and alliances must be formed to fight that battle. One such alliance is the institute of marriage. A bond made between two people to live their lives together as one couple. They are the ones who protect each other from the world and provide help to each other in every aspect of life. A partner that gives you the strength to do things that you never dreamt.

People believe that there is one person who is perfectly build to be their partner or companion or ally. Whole life time are spent looking for that someone special. To search one person in a million is a huge achievement. This is where math becomes our enemy. If we imagine the perfect person to be a perfect score of 100 then there would still be a lot of people with a score of 98 or 99. They are nearly perfect and when they come in front of your eyes. You believe them to be the one.

If you imagine you have met the one person who is perfectly made for you. Then he has to be perfect for you. If he is not then there will be more and there will be others. Every friend of mine who has had a break up comes to me and says he/she was perfect for me and we would never find anyone like him/her. Well good news for you people is India alone has a population over a billion. Somewhere among these people is another person who will be better for you than the one you just lost. If you do not believe in the math then believe in the destiny. Look at the person who left you and think, did you really want him to be that person. Did you want your perfect life mate to be the person who leaves you behind for someone else or just plain leaves you for no reason at all?

People have given endless reasons to break up with someone. He did not have same faith as me or she did a lot of shopping. You may think of endless reasons, yet there is one and only one reason. You broke with her because you did not love her enough. People in love do not leave you behind. They wait for you and stay with you forever. Whenever you fail to find the right person remember Edison and his invention of bulbs. It is not just about the finding the right material but also cancelling out the wrong ones.

Waqt

Waqt be waqt vo kyu yaad ati hai....
Na jaane vo kyu ab jahen me ati hai...
Bhul jana chahta hai har bar usse dil...
Phir bhi parchai uski saath me ati hai...

Gagan ke pass rehta hu to tu saath...
Zameen me jhakta hu to bhi saath...
Kahin chod aaya hu usse me dur...
Phir bhi baaatein uski aaj bhi pass..

Adhuri reh gayi hai jo humari baat...
Sochta hu ye ab na jaane kayi raat...
Wapis pass agar aaj bhi aa jao tum...
Phir se dur ho jayenge mere ye gum....

Why I can't stop loving you ?

You broke my heart when it had just started to find out the nuances between being in love and being loved. It seemed that I had quite a lot to learn when it came to loving someone with your heart. I believed that I loved everyone as I always found myself getting attached to people emotionally and easily. Until you came in my life and showed me that one person can be loved more than everyone else.

We were so perfect together. I loved chocolates and u did not. It meant I did not have to share them which I hated. I loved showing off and you did not. You would just listen curiously to any tale I told you about my life. You loved to learn and I loved to teach. You made me correct your mistakes and teach you so much that I started correcting everyone's mistakes even when they did not want me to. You loved to speak and I loved to listen. You liked to tell me about everything in your past and present and I loved to hear those stories as they were my own. You loved staying at home and I loved roaming around endlessly. You always ended up home and I was always going away from it. 

It is not just the differences but also the similarities between us that made us perfect. We both loved the environment and wanted to do something about protecting it. We both were interested in a life long relationship. No relation is good that does not have an end. 

To be continued......
  

Why ?

They always asked me why did I leave her when I was so hopelessly in love with her. I always tell them that being in love is not about stalking a person but it is about leaving them alone. Leave them to make decisions that make them happy. Love is all about Happiness and Freedom. It is not about your own happiness and never about what you want. It is always about the other person and their needs.

I never said a word when she said that she did not love me anymore. She told me when she started loving me and she told me when she stopped. The day I realized there was no return possible was when she told me that she has fallen in love with some one else. That is when I decided to give in to the real me. The person the world knew to be the king of deception. The moment of pure love was gone, now the love had to be tested. It had to past the test of caring, company, compassion and future. She had to show care for me, be mindful of my company, show compassion to others and plan a future with me.

In testing her on those scales. I never knew when the scales were broken and she had gone beyond reach. That is when I realized that in testing my love for her, I had lost her love for me. The plans I made to see if she loved me or not, had moved her further into the path of not loving me anymore. She may have seen past my old self, she may even have embraced the real me. Yet she did not know which one was the real me anymore. May be it was a message for me that I did not deserve her. I was as always the hopeless romantic. 

A mockrey of rules

May be she saw me stare at her or may be my eyes told her the truth. She came and sat down near me and simply asked if I liked her. I told her that I indeed seem to like her from the way she acted with other people.

Her next question was the one that actually opened the floodgate. When she asked me if I knew her age. I told her in very strong words how i never looked for age, looks, caste, family or country in a person. I would also not be interested in anything in her past if it did not concern me. I was only interested to know her plans for the future. As that is the point of life that we would be looking at from this day. If I decided to spend large part of the rest of my life with her, I needed to know her what we would be doing together.

I would like to know the problems in her life and her desires. I was surprised to hear her reply even after getting a earful of advice. her reply was a simple statement that we lived in a society that cared. We may not think or care about our deeds or the repercussions of our decisions. Yet we judge the work of everyone else and critic others. We may do what we think is right, but the social judiciaries will still think it to be wrong.

I never met that girl again as we never shared any details. That discussion gave me the knowledge about the social notebook. It contained in its vast pages a rulebook on which every and all relations are analyzed. The rules which gave every person a set of constraints to live his life.People bound by these social norms are the ones that do not take decisions based on what is right. Their decisions are limited to their boundaries.

What we need to do is think beyond these rules. Look for qualities in people that have no set norms. Why is it that looks determine a lot about our choice. Having a fair complexion is important in a girlfriend as people will be more jealous of her. money is important for a boyfriend as it would give you a bigger status symbol. Even society has its own assumptions - A beautiful girl is first to be befriended or a man wearing formals is more corporate. The looks can be deceiving for a beautiful girl may be unfriendly or man in formals may be a con.