Saturday, June 14, 2014

Why I can't stop loving you ?

You broke my heart when it had just started to find out the nuances between being in love and being loved. It seemed that I had quite a lot to learn when it came to loving someone with your heart. I believed that I loved everyone as I always found myself getting attached to people emotionally and easily. Until you came in my life and showed me that one person can be loved more than everyone else.

We were so perfect together. I loved chocolates and u did not. It meant I did not have to share them which I hated. I loved showing off and you did not. You would just listen curiously to any tale I told you about my life. You loved to learn and I loved to teach. You made me correct your mistakes and teach you so much that I started correcting everyone's mistakes even when they did not want me to. You loved to speak and I loved to listen. You liked to tell me about everything in your past and present and I loved to hear those stories as they were my own. You loved staying at home and I loved roaming around endlessly. You always ended up home and I was always going away from it. 

It is not just the differences but also the similarities between us that made us perfect. We both loved the environment and wanted to do something about protecting it. We both were interested in a life long relationship. No relation is good that does not have an end. 

To be continued......

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Why ?

They always asked me why did I leave her when I was so hopelessly in love with her. I always tell them that being in love is not about stalking a person but it is about leaving them alone. Leave them to make decisions that make them happy. Love is all about Happiness and Freedom. It is not about your own happiness and never about what you want. It is always about the other person and their needs.

I never said a word when she said that she did not love me anymore. She told me when she started loving me and she told me when she stopped. The day I realized there was no return possible was when she told me that she has fallen in love with some one else. That is when I decided to give in to the real me. The person the world knew to be the king of deception. The moment of pure love was gone, now the love had to be tested. It had to past the test of caring, company, compassion and future. She had to show care for me, be mindful of my company, show compassion to others and plan a future with me.

In testing her on those scales. I never knew when the scales were broken and she had gone beyond reach. That is when I realized that in testing my love for her, I had lost her love for me. The plans I made to see if she loved me or not, had moved her further into the path of not loving me anymore. She may have seen past my old self, she may even have embraced the real me. Yet she did not know which one was the real me anymore. May be it was a message for me that I did not deserve her. I was as always the hopeless romantic. 

Monday, June 9, 2014

A mockrey of rules

May be she saw me stare at her or may be my eyes told her the truth. She came and sat down near me and simply asked if I liked her. I told her that I indeed seem to like her from the way she acted with other people.

Her next question was the one that actually opened the floodgate. When she asked me if I knew her age. I told her in very strong words how i never looked for age, looks, caste, family or country in a person. I would also not be interested in anything in her past if it did not concern me. I was only interested to know her plans for the future. As that is the point of life that we would be looking at from this day. If I decided to spend large part of the rest of my life with her, I needed to know her what we would be doing together.

I would like to know the problems in her life and her desires. I was surprised to hear her reply even after getting a earful of advice. her reply was a simple statement that we lived in a society that cared. We may not think or care about our deeds or the repercussions of our decisions. Yet we judge the work of everyone else and critic others. We may do what we think is right, but the social judiciaries will still think it to be wrong.

I never met that girl again as we never shared any details. That discussion gave me the knowledge about the social notebook. It contained in its vast pages a rulebook on which every and all relations are analyzed. The rules which gave every person a set of constraints to live his life.People bound by these social norms are the ones that do not take decisions based on what is right. Their decisions are limited to their boundaries.

What we need to do is think beyond these rules. Look for qualities in people that have no set norms. Why is it that looks determine a lot about our choice. Having a fair complexion is important in a girlfriend as people will be more jealous of her. money is important for a boyfriend as it would give you a bigger status symbol. Even society has its own assumptions - A beautiful girl is first to be befriended or a man wearing formals is more corporate. The looks can be deceiving for a beautiful girl may be unfriendly or man in formals may be a con.